Oooh, it’s Valentine’s Day, the day that the single people love to hate, and the in-a-relationship people love to love.

*we interrupt this message with a short history lesson*

On St. Valentine's Day in 1349, roughly 2,000 Jews were burned to death by Christian mobs in Strausbourg. These mobs, led by nobles who owed large sums to Jewish moneylenders (usury being a sin for Christians), blamed the Jews for poisoning the city's wells and causing the bubonic plague

I've never really been into V-Day, but I don't completely hate it either. It's just -a day-. Oh yeah, me and my friends go around saying 'Happy Valentine's!' to each other, but it's not important. I basically don't really care.


V-Day *sniggers*. Vagina-Day. A dedication to all the vaginas in the world! On this day, everyone must make the holy water sprout out of the Vagina in a sacred ritual in which it is preferable for the contact of tongue to throbbing pink flesh! Or the hardening of the 'royal clitoris!'. However, there are many ways to appreciate the vagina this day! But only the hard-working and devout, pious followers will make the holy water come forth and will be able to partake in the purifying drink of heaven!!



Mmm...what do you think about that? *starts imagining...smacks wandering hand away*.



I don't think love is necessary to be expressed on one day, but Valentine's Day has a few good things about it if you're with someone:

1. a gift from your loved one
2. almost-perfect behaviour of your loved one
3. you're almost always gonna be taken out somewhere nice
4. attentive and hopefully mind-blowing sex

It's like your birthday, you know? Even though it doesn't really matter, you still know you're gonna get gifts and cake! Except for people who don't have any friends to throw a party for them. Or dead people.



HOWEVER, what about single people?

1. Excuse to go on a date with any other single person
2. excuse to have a one-night stand
3. allowed to be miserable and self-pitying without people yelling at you 'GET OVER IT!'
4. excuse to masturbate! (if you need an excuse that is. ladies and gentlemen, take out your vibrators!)

I mean, what holiday is about the original idea? Christmas is an excuse to not work and spend time with your family and get gifts and blah blah. Christ's birthday is not even a factor dammit! Same goes for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day...excuses to buy gifts! All commercialised! But I pity the guys on Valentine's day...they're usually the ones who buy their girlfriends flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and so on. Girls just spread their legs and open their mouths and that's their Valentine's Day gift to their boyfriends. Sex is EXPECTED. Like wedding nights.



I'm alone this V-Day. But that's okay. I plan on spending some quality time with myself...and my porn collection. NAH, just kidding! I have a free peep show with the neighbours next door...they're straight, but I won't be looking at the guy! Hee hee! *smacks herself again*